A Little Birdy
by Oneturtledove
Summary: Scully accepts what she feels and decides to let Mulder in on her secret.
1. I love you

Disclaimer: If you recognize the character then it is not mine. If you don't recognize them... politely put them back on my shelf. I am not good at sharing.

Spoilers: "Nothing's going to spoil us...."

A/N: It's just been rattling around in my noggin for a while. And Julia is vehement that I write it... she actually cursed at me. I have proof. Anyway... I know a lot of people are not going to like this direction this story takes, but deal with it. It works out in the end. I have been watching too much Nick at Night for it not to. Anyway, just because I didn't make it clear, Scully is on vacation with her family... 3 weeks on a yacht... their own mini-cruise. Lucky duck.

* * *

Scully sighed and leaned back in the chair, wincing slightly as the rough fabric came into contact with her sunburn. She hadn't meant to lie out on the deck for so long, but she couldn't help it. The warmth was nice after the long DC winter.

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she used the code the hotel had given her and logged on to their computer. The connection was actually pretty fast and she signed in to her e-mail within a few seconds.

She had several junk messages that she had to mark as spam, but she finally found the one she had been looking for. It was from Mulder.

_Hey Scully,_

_I assume that you're somewhere in the Keys right now, judging by your itinerary. Of course, Bill may have taken you hostage, to a remote island after claiming it was only going to be a three hour tour. Is he making everyone call him Skipper? The things your brother will do to keep you away from me... it boggles the mind. You would make a good Ginger though. Just saying. I can't imagine your family stuck on a boat together for 3 weeks. I hope you're all getting along. Do you miss me yet? I would miss me. But I would also be dehydrated from the seasickness, so I guess I am not a good barometer for how much I should be missed. _

_I'm really bored without you. Can you tell?_

_I've been watering your plants like you asked, but don't be surprised if there is something dead when you get back. I am not very good at this. I also picked up your mail. You got an invitation to your high school reunion. They want a response by this weekend. I can check the appropriate box for you and send it back if you want. It's just a little postcard, so it's not like I have to even find an envelope or anything. _

_Are you wearing a bikini? I know you have been wondering how long it would take before I asked that._

_Work is boring. Skinner is doing everything he can to keep me out of the field. He says that he doesn't feel comfortable letting me out there without someone watching my back. So here I sit, doing paperwork, consulting with VCS, and basically counting down the days until you come home. Only 12 more. That's not too long. I hope I survive._

_I saw this movie on TV the other night. It was really good. I think you would like it. I can't remember the title right this second, but I have it written down somewhere. Maybe when you get back we can order pizza and watch it together._

_That's all for now. I hope you're having fun. Don't forget about me in this cold, dark basement. Stay safe, G-Woman._

_M_

She smiled to herself and hit the reply button.

_Mulder,_

_We are in the Keys right now, at a nice hotel with cable and air conditioning and hot water... I am in heaven. I know it sounds like I have been camping in the remote wilderness instead of tanning on a boat, but it is nice to get my feet back on land, no matter how much I love the sea._

_Bill actually did want us to call him Skipper and Charlie Gilligan. You can imagine how well that went over. I think the words "whiny wuss fart" were uttered. By me. I know, I know. But old habits die hard. Other than that we're all getting along. Bill hasn't even tried to "set me straight" yet. Will wonders never cease?_

_I do miss you. I tried not to, but it was really hard. Finally I just accepted that being away from you is not that fun, and I will probably never want to do it again, free vacation or not. _

_Ug, High School reunion? Isn't this a weird year to have it? It's not a 10 or a 20, so what gives? Just mark no and send it back for me. I do not want to relive those years, thank you very much. _

_Speaking of high school, I am not telling you what I'm wearing until you tell me what you're wearing. _

_I'm sorry you're bored at work. Maybe you should clean up the office a little. Who knows what little treasures you might find in there? Another Big Foot sighting? Ghosts in the White House? That tie that you swear was eaten by something living in there? Yes, I am mocking you, and no, I do not mean it seriously. _

_I only have 12 days of vacation left? And then I have to go back to that cold, dark basement? Can you play me some calypso music to ease me back in to reality? It's not exactly like being out here, but close enough._

_I would never forget about you, Mulder, don't worry. I have hospital bills and damaged suits that will always remind me of our time together._

_See you soon._

_S

* * *

  
_

She stared up at the sky, feeling the boat rock beneath her as a slight breeze ruffled her hair. She had one hand propped behind her head, the other hand resting on her bare stomach. As relaxed as she was, she felt like something was missing. It wasn't like she didn't know what it was; she just didn't feel like confronting that particular emotion at the moment.

Or maybe out at sea, with only the moon as her witness, she could play over in her head what she was feeling in her very soul.

She missed Mulder. Every e-mail she got was like a gulp of cold water in her mouth, but then it warmed her from the inside too. The little jokes ran through her mind for days and she could imagine the twinkle in his eye as he wrote them. She could still feel his arms around her when he dropped her off at the airport. She could still feel his lips on her forehead. She could still hear "Don't miss me too much, Scully." His voice. It was the one she heard in her dreams, the one she heard when she cried, the one she heard when she was lonely.

"Dana, aren't you cold out here?" her mother asked, stepping into the cooling night.

"No, not yet."

"Are you thinking about Fox?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "I miss him."

"I can tell."

"I can hear his voice," she murmured, the boat relaxing her and loosening her tongue. "I love his voice. It's like..." she trailed off for a moment and sighed again before shooting her tongue out across her lips and continuing. "It's pure and rich and deep like honey. And it's crisp and smooth like cream. I sound like an idiot."

"No you don't."

"Mom, I just said his voice sounds like honey and cream. That doesn't even make sense." She sat up, blinking as she fully realized what she had said. "I think I may have gotten too much sun today."

"Maybe you're finally thinking clearly."

"Mom."

"You're in love, Dana."

"Am I?" she asked, not as a challenge, but in a truly shocked tone.

"Yes, you are."

"I don't think so."

"Sweetie, I'm not a moron."

"Mom, I love him. There is no way I could ever love anyone more than I love him. But IN love? And even if I was, what would I do about it? He probably doesn't feel the same way. And if he did, we couldn't change anything. The FBI would split us up. And it may not even work out. I mean, we can fight like you wouldn't believe. We say things to each other that are so bad sometimes. If we brought another element into the already complicated mix, I'm sure something drastic would happen, like the world stopping. No, I can't risk it."

"Dana."

"Mom, would you gamble with the most precious thing in your life? Would you?"

"Dana, I think you're forgetting how good it could be. You're worrying yourself over things that don't matter. Things that the two of you can deal with together. That's what makes a relationship, honey. Working through all the fears and hard times together."

"It scares me so much mom. The idea of losing him... I can't handle it."

"Dana, think of the times in your life when you have felt the most safe, the most secure, the most loved. All those times are with him, aren't they?"

She let out a slow sigh and stood up, walking to the side of the boat, closer to her mother.

"Yeah. They are."

"Wouldn't you like that safety and security and love for the rest of your life?"

"Of course. But I would rather have it sometimes like I do now, than have it all the time and lose it."

"Well, as I see it, if the two of you were to enter into a relationship and it did happen to end, it would be your doing, not his. You would be the one to get scared and run away. I've watched you do it before. And while it was probably good that you ran from those relationships, I wouldn't want you to run from him. He will hold onto you until he dies if you let him. But he will also let you run. I'm convinced that he would never leave you on his own. You don't have to worry about his end of the deal."

"I know. And I do worry about myself, but I love him too much to ever run away. I couldn't do that to him."

"And you're still scared?"

"I guess I worry that he doesn't feel the same way I do."

"You doubt that he loves you?"

"No. I just... I don't know if he wants to be with me. I'm probably not even his type."

"That's crap, Dana and you know it."

She lifted her eyebrows at her mother's use of "crap."

"Well it is!"

"Mom, I don't want to put him in a position where he has to say that he loves me if he really doesn't."

"That's not going to happen. Just think about it. Be honest with yourself, don't just assume it's not going to work because you're a closet pessimist. Really look at the situation. You'll be surprised."

"Are you sure?"

"Have I ever given you bad advice?"

"No."

"Yes, I'm sure. Let yourself be happy, Dana. You deserve it."

"Thanks mom."

Maggie kissed her daughter's head, then went back inside the boat. Scully sighed to herself, wrapping her arms around her middle and leaning against the boat railing.

She was in love.

Badly.

But what was she going to do about it? She couldn't very well just drop the bomb on him, could she? Maybe she was just going to have to wait until she got home and then feel out the situation.

She had a sinking feeling suddenly, like she was running out of time. It was almost a blinding panic.

She choked back the ragged breaths and calmed herself down. She would tell him as soon as she was home. First thing. Dropping the bomb or not, she was going to lay all her cards on the table.

She just hoped he was willing to pick them up.


	2. Ugly Day

A/N: Just stick with me here, folks. Don't give up.

* * *

She stood on her tiptoes and scanned the crowd for any sign of her partner. She didn't see him, but it wouldn't have surprised her if he was late. She started towards baggage claim, and halfway there heard the sound she had been waiting for.

"Hey G-Woman."

She turned towards his voice and saw him a few feet away, a smile on his face. She couldn't help running towards him and wrapping her arms around his neck. He lifted her off the ground and kissed her cheek

"Miss me?"

"Yep. You miss me?"

"Like crazy. You got some sun my friend."

"Yeah, a little."

"Did you burn?"  
"Don't hug me too hard."

"Okay. Let's go get your luggage."

They headed to baggage claim and he slipped his hand into hers. She noted that he didn't lace their fingers together like normal, but she didn't give it too much thought. It couldn't be that big of a deal.

It only took a few minutes to get her luggage, and soon they were out the door.

"It's cold out here," she commented, as a breeze blew across her skin.

"It's 70 degrees."

"I'm still cold."

"You're a wuss."

"I am not!"

He chuckled and put her bags in the trunk, then turned and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'm glad you're home, Scully. There's something I want to tell you."

"Really? What?"

"It's nothing big. Let me take you home and we'll order a pizza or something."

"Ah, the good life. I actually have something I want to talk to you about too."

"You're quitting the FBI and you're going to spend the rest of your life tanning on a boat."

"You got it."

They drove back to her apartment, filling each other in on the last three weeks. He told her all about his meetings with Skinner and how most of them included the phrase "Why can't you just behave, Mulder?" She giggled at his impressions of their boss especially when he pounded his fist on the steering wheel and demanded to know why he needed a new cell phone AGAIN.

"Aw, poor Skinner. He puts up with so much. We're going to send him to an early grave if we're not careful. I don't know about you, but I really don't want that karmic responsibility."

"Neither do I. I'll try to behave."

"Thanks. We need him on our side, you know."

"That's the truth."

They pulled up to her apartment and he helped her haul her luggage upstairs.

"You call for a pizza. I'm going to change clothes."

He smiled and picked up the phone, placing their usual order at her favorite place. He added breadsticks onto the order just because he had missed her and she liked them.

"Did you get extra cheese?" she asked as she came out of her bedroom. She had changed into blue jeans and a low cut white t-shirt and he knew by the look on her face that she was doing it on purpose.

"Yes and breadsticks, your majesty."

She grinned and hefted her suitcase onto the coffee table.

"Scully, don't tell me you're unpacking now."

"I just want to start a load of laundry and get some stuff put away."

"That's unpacking."

"Help me. It'll go faster."

"You want me touching your dirty clothes?"

"No. You can unpack that bag right there. It's just my blow dryer and stuff."

"Oh alright, but only because I enjoy spoiling you."

"And all is right with the world."

They set to work quietly for a few minutes, until she turned the radio on. He knew it would be country. She always changed her music taste with the weather, and when spring time rolled around, she listened to country non-stop. And she sang along. He didn't hate that part.

_Why don't you kiss, kiss this  
And I don't mean on my rosy red lips  
Me and you, we're through  
And there's only one thing left for you to do  
You just come on over here one last time  
Pucker up and close yours eyes  
And kiss this goodbye_

He smiled as he watched her half-walk, half-dance to the washer. He rarely got to see her like this, but he stored up the memories like a squirrel storing nuts.

They finished her unpacking and collapsed onto the couch, their feet on the coffee table.

"Oh, I got you something."

"You didn't have to do that, Scully."

"I wasn't going to, but I saw this and I though you would like it. Hold on."

She went into her bedroom and he could hear her rustling around in there for a moment before she came back.

"Hold out your hands and close your eyes and I will give you a big surprise."

"Scully... you're so weird."

"Come on, do it."

He obeyed and felt something small and plastic in his hands. He opened his eyes and found an alien sno-globe.

"I looked and looked for a grey, but they only had green ones."

"Did you complain?"

"Yeah. Bill told me to shut up or he'd make me walk the plank."

"That's my girl."

There was a knock on the door and he got up and paid for their pizza.

"Mulder you have no idea how much I've missed pizza. With mom and Tara it's chicken or fish every night. I thought I was going to sprout wings or fins or something."

He chuckled as they each took a slice of pizza and sat back against the couch to eat.

"So, what did you want to tell me?" she asked as she finished her first piece and reached for a breadstick. "Okay, this Crazybread is not a bread stick. It's a lump. A bread lump. They should call them Crazybread Lumps."

"You're a crazy bread lump."

"I've been called worse. Now, what were you going to tell me?"

He took a deep breath and turned so he was facing her.

"Mulder?"

"It's nothing bad. I just... I didn't think it would be this weird to tell you."

"You can tell me anything, Mulder. You know that."

"I know. I've just never told you anything remotely like this before."

"Well, it's something good, right?"

"Yes, I think so."

"And it makes you happy?"

"Yes, it does."

"Then I want to know."

"Scully I met someone."

"Someone."

The word came out of her mouth fairly normally, but inside, the pizza began to feel like lava. She felt tears pricking the back of her eyes but she kept them at bay. It was just like Mulder to drop this bomb right as she got up the courage to drop her own.

"Her name is Robin. I met her in the coffee shop a few days after you left. She's a writer and she's just finishing up a novel. She's great, Scully. You'll like her."

She was stunned. And hurt. She felt like a child that had fallen out of a tree. Breathing wasn't coming so easily and her vision was starting to blur. She could only hope it wasn't from tears.

"You never said anything."

"What?"

"All those e-mails, you didn't say one word."

"I'm.. I'm sorry."

"I thought you would tell me something like this right away. I mean, I am your best friend. Or at least I was. Is she your best friend now?"

"Scully-"

"You should have said something, Mulder. I'm going to bed."

She stood from the couch and stalked into her room, slamming the door behind her. She could almost see him sitting on the couch, bewildered as to what was wrong. Normal Scully wouldn't freak out about not being told something, would she?

She pounded her pillow and buried her face in it, feeling very 13 and very heartbroken.

"Scully?"

"Mulder, just go home."

"But-"

"I'm tired and grumpy and I have a headache. Just go home and I'll talk to you later."

"Don't stay mad at me."

She didn't answer, and a few moments later, she heard the door open and close. She got up and peeked out the window and watched his car leave before she let herself cry.

* * *

And hour later, she sat up and rubbed her eyes. She felt terrible. If only she hadn't listened to her mom. If only she hadn't thought about him while she was gone. If only she'd never left.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before standing up and leaving the room. It looked like he had cleared the pizza away before he left. She sighed to herself.

"What a grand homecoming," she muttered, walking towards the washer and dryer. She threw the washer open and began to take out the damp clothes. "Why must my sleeves always tie in knots!?" she shouted, trying to pull the clothes out again before giving the washer a kick and sinking to the floor.

This was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

She noticed that the radio was still playing, which was just dandy, because as much as she liked country music, even the happy songs make you cry when you're sad. And just to throw another wrench in the works, the song that was on was one of the songs that always struck her right in the heart.

_And it only hurts when I'm breathing  
My heart only breaks when it's beating  
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming  
So, I hold my breath--to forget_

She stood up and raced over to the stereo. She quickly broke her "nothing but country in the springtime" rule and put a Rancid CD in. That was definitely the angry music she was looking for.

With a newfound energy, she set to work cleaning her apartment. She dusted and vacuumed and washed everything that she could get her hands on before she noticed it was nearing midnight. She went to the stereo, which had been blasting Dead Kennedy's for the better part of an hour, and turned it off.

She had to go to work in the morning. Had to see Mulder. Had to apologize for her immature ways without crying and giving away her secret.

"I'll think about it tomorrow," she said, feeling like Scarlett O'Hara, ready to take on the world alone.


	3. So We Never Got To Paris

A/N: My favorite passage in the Bible is "And it came to pass...." This is my life's philosophy. Everything passes. Even in my writing. So just hold on. It'll pass. And man, sorry so short!

* * *

Dana Katherine Scully had become an expert at sucking it up. It started when she fell off her bike at age 3. Bill had told her to suck it up. She got stood up at the homecoming dance. Missy told her to suck it up. She sucked it up when Marcus broke up with her. She sucked it up when her MCAT scores weren't as perfect as she wanted. She sucked it up when Queequeg died. She sucked it up when Mulder ditched her. And now she was about to do one of the most painful suck ups of her life.

She opened their office door and found him sitting at his desk, face buried in a report. He was either oblivious to her entrance or was ignoring it. Either way, he didn't look up at all.

"Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. Last night, that was completely uncalled for and immature and I don't even know why I did it. You were trying to share something with me and I ignored the fact that you're happy, and I just flipped out. I'm so sorry."

He looked up at her and smiled.

"I bought you some Midol just in case."

She chuckled and rolled her eyes as he stood from the desk and came around to hug her.

"You were right though. I should have warned you."

"Then let's pretend that you warned me and I didn't flip out. How should the conversation have gone?"

He leaned back against his desk and sighed.

"Scully, I'm seeing someone."

"You are? Well that's great, Mulder. What's she like?"  
"Her name is Robin. She's a writer. Smart and beautiful and has a great sense of humor. And she likes the Knicks, so basically there isn't anything wrong with her."

"Is she good enough for you?"

"I may not be good enough for her."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes. Very."

"When can I meet her?"

"Not sure. We'll figure something out."

"Will I like her?"

"Probably. If personalities are any indication, the two of you will become best friends and harass me endlessly."

"Good choice then, Mulder."

He smiled and she took her jacket off, hanging it on the hook by the door.

"So what's on the agenda today? And where's that calypso music I asked for?"

"Couldn't find any. I got some Bee-Gees."

"You might want to see a doctor about that."

"The sun exposure made you feisty."

"You don't like me dull."

"That's true."

"Anyway, where's all the paperwork I asked you to do while I was gone which you probably never even looked at?"

"It's done and filed."

"Really?"

"I was bored, Scully."

"I appreciate that."

"But we do have a meeting with Skinner in about an hour. I figured I would just brief you on a few cases that have come across the desk before we go see him."

"Sounds good."

She perched on the desk next to him and he picked up a stack of five files.

"Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad to be home. I missed this. I missed you."

"Right back at you."

She mentally patted herself on the back for faking it so well. In all reality, she wished she could be back on that boat, drowning in a sea of ignorance and future plans.

But instead of letting herself shatter, Dana Katherine Scully sucked it up.


	4. I'll be there for you

A/N: I am not a jerk.

* * *

She didn't want to like Robin. She wanted to hate her. Point out all her flaws. Tell Mulder that she was an awful person. Figure out how Robin was even worse than Diana and Phoebe. She wanted to be able to point and say "Look Mulder! Look how bad she is for you!"

The only problem was that Robin was great. She was perfect. She made Mulder happy. She relaxed him when he was stressed out. She made him laugh. She didn't bring any baggage with her, work related or otherwise.

And to top it off, Scully got along so well with her, she would actually call Robin a friend. For three months, she battled against her desire to spill her guts, and tell Mulder exactly what she was feeling, or to let it go, let him be happy, and resign herself to the position of third wheel.

She wasn't happy, but she was content, and according to her mother, that was half the battle.

"If I had to pick someone for him, someone that wasn't me, I would pick her," she had said just a few days prior. Maggie Scully had sighed, but accepted the idea that her daughter and Fox Mulder would probably never be together. It would have been too good to be true.

It was late one Wednesday evening when Scully knocked on Mulder's door. She was scared and shaking and just needed her partner. When Robin opened the door, Scully looked up at her friend and started to cry.

"Is he here? I need to talk to him."

"He had to run back to work for something. He should be back in a few minutes. Are you okay?"

"No. I'm not."

"Come inside."

"No. Just tell him I was here."

"Dana, I'm not letting you drive like this. Come inside and sit down. I'll make you some coffee."

She obeyed and sat down on the old couch, taking a quick look around the apartment. Other than being a little less dusty, not much had changed. She was glad for that. A big change could have sent her over the edge.

"Want to tell me what's going on?" Robin asked, setting a cup of instant coffee down on the table.

"No. I really need to tell him first."

"Alright. Is there anything I can do?"

"No. Not right now."

"You'll let me know?"

"Yeah, I will."

The fell into silence for a while, Scully biting her lip and staring at the floor until Mulder came home.

"Hey Robin, I'm back. Scully... did I know you were coming over..."

His voice trailed off as her eyes met his and he read the grief that was there.

"Scully?"

"I need to talk to you."

Robin stood up from the couch and patted Scully's hand.

"Give me a call later, okay Dana?"

"I will."

She smiled and kissed Mulder's cheek.

"She needs you," she whispered, squeezing his hand. "Take care of her."

He nodded and Robin left the apartment. Mulder threw his coat over the back of the chair, then joined Scully on the couch.

"What's wrong?"

She sucked in a deep breath and looked up at him.

"I um... I'm not sure..."

"Scully," he said, taking her face in his hands. "What's wrong?"

"I can't say it."

"Are you sick?"

Her silence was all the answer he needed. He pulled her into his arms and rocked her gently. She seemed to dissolve into him and he let her cry for several minutes before he said anything, even though not knowing was driving him crazy.

"What happened? I didn't even know you had an appointment."

"I didn't... I started to get really dizzy earlier, and then I had a nosebleed. It was an hour before it stopped."

"What did the doctor say?"

"I haven't been yet. I'm going tomorrow, but I need you to go with me. I can't do it alone."

"I'm there."

They were both crying by this point, and he leaned back on the couch, keeping his arms tightly around her.

"Could it just be a fluke, Scully?"

"What?"

"Could this be explained another way? You've gotten dizzy from low iron before. Maybe that's all it is. The nosebleed could be from the changing weather."

"I don't know. But I'm scared and I don't want to find out alone."

"You won't have to. I'll be right there, okay?"

She nodded against him, then sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"I'd better go."

"You don't have to."

"I need to get some sleep."

"Sleep here. I don't want you driving like this and you know as well as I do that you're not going to sleep well alone anyway. You can have the bed and I'll take the couch."

"What would Robin think about that?"

"She'd probably say something like "I haven't had a sleepover since I was 13." She understands us, Scully. She knew what she was getting into."

"Okay."

"Everything is going to be okay. We're going to get through this together. I promise."

"You can't promise that."

"Just let yourself believe it. We both need that strength right now."

She nodded and he kissed her forehead.

"Go to bed. We'll deal with this one day at a time. Alright?"

"Okay. Thank you, Mulder."

"Anytime."

She stood from the couch and headed back to his bedroom. She knew he'd be there. But sometimes she wasn't sure how much he wanted to be.


	5. She's in love with the boy

A/N: Woke up to more snow this morning. And now it is super sunny out and I want to go play baseball and throw rocks in a creek. Man, I miss 5th grade. Happy ER day! Let's all dress up as our favorite characters. Anyone know where to get a bald cap? I think I want to be Romano.

* * *

Scully's doctor had admitted her to the hospital even before he ran any tests. She could take that to mean that he was a cautions doctor and genuinely cared about her, or she looked worse than she thought and he didn't want to waste any time. She was hoping for the former, but the latter felt like a brick on her chest with a sumo wrestler holding it in place.

Mulder sat next to her on the bed. He held her hand gently, but really didn't say much. She probably couldn't have handled it if he had. Every once in a while he would glance over at her, or give her hand a squeeze and even those little gestures were almost too much.

Her doctor came into the room and shut the door, then pulled up a chair and sat down before he spoke.

"I just got the results of your scan back. It was normal. No change since last time."

"But?"

"Your blood work is strange. Your iron levels are really low, so low in fact that I'm kind of surprised you're walking around."

He handed her the file he had been holding and she started to glance through it.

"At first it just looks like you're fighting an infection or something, but I really would feel better if we ran some more tests and kept you here for a few days. Have you been stressed out lately?"

"Um, not really. There's been some family stuff going on, but nothing major."

"Have you been sleeping alright?"

"No different than normal. Better some nights."

"Could you have been exposed to the flu or any other illness?"

"I don't think so."

Alright. I'm going to have the lab run some more tests and we're going to send you in for a few more scans. I'm about 90 percent sure that you're still in remission, so don't worry. This may be nothing. Okay?"

She nodded and he stood and left the room. Scully let out the breath she'd been holding and Mulder squeezed her hand.

"Good news, huh?"

"Better than I was expecting. But it still makes me nervous that he wants to keep me here. I think there might be something he's not telling me."

"You're going to be fine, Scully. If you stress yourself out, you're just going to feel worse."

"I know. Thank you for coming with me."

"My pleasure."

"You don't have to stick around if you don't want to. I'll be okay."

"I'm not leaving you. I never leave you in the hospital."

"But that was before."

"Before what?"

She was quiet for a moment, slowly taking her hand out of his.

"Before you had... other obligations."

"What, Robin?"

"Yeah."

"You don't like her?"

"Mulder, I like her. But she's here now and she needs your attention too. I don't want you to neglect her because of me. Go home. Spend some time with her. I'll be fine here."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I'll watch TV for a bit and then go to sleep and dream of something marvelous, and I'll call you in the morning. Okay?"

"Scully, I can stay if you have the teeniest little desire for me to be here, you know I'll sleep in that chair all night."

"I'm fine. Go home. I need rest. Get out of here."

"You call me the second you want me to come back, or if anything changes. Okay?"

"Promise. Now go."

"I love you, Scully."

"Goodnight."

He kissed her forehead and left the room and she leaned back against her pillows and sighed. She wanted him to stay more than anything, but she wasn't going to wreck his relationship with Robin. If she died, he would need someone to be there for him.

* * *

Two mornings later, she woke up and found that she had a visitor.

"Robin. Have you been here long?"

"I just sat down. How are you feeling?"

"I'm tired from the tests."

"Any answers yet?"

"They think I'm fighting a cold and they're having trouble getting my iron levels up, but nothing to worry about. They're probably going to release me tomorrow with about 17 antibiotics to take."

"Great."

"At least it gets me out of here."

"That's true."

"So what brings you over this way?"

"I just wanted to check on you. Fox doesn't say much about what's going on."

"He doesn't like to see me sick."

"I know. Dana, I have something to tell you."

"What? You're not pregnant are you? Don't tell me Mulder finally managed to reproduce."

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"I am very, very sure. Unless you can get pregnant from holding hands."

"What?"

"Dana, the man can't even kiss me. At first I thought it was because he was a gentleman, or he wanted to take things slow. But I realized that he can't kiss me, because he would rather be kissing you. I think he even feels like if he kissed me he'd be betraying you in some way."

"Robin, that's ridiculous."

"Explain it another way."

"Mulder is afraid of messing things up. He's been hurt before. He doesn't want to go through that again, and he doesn't want to put you through it. So he's being cautious."

"He's in love with you Dana."

"He is not."

"Yes, he is. And you're in love with him."

"Robin, you've got it so wrong."

"Just listen to me, okay? I've seen the way you look at each other. I've seen how you interact. It doesn't take a degree in anything to make the leap here. You two complete each other."

"Robin-"

"I'm breaking up with him. You two belong together, and I don't want to stand in the way of it."

"Don't do this to him. Even if all that was true, he and I would never be together anyway. And you make him happy. He likes you and he cares about you-"

"But he's in love with you. You make him happier than I ever could. And that's okay. I want him to be happy, and he'll be happiest with you."

"You're going to make him lonely. He and I... we'll never be together. We can't talk about things like this."

"Are you in love with him?"

"No."

"Now the honest answer."

She was quiet for a long while before squeaking out a yes.

"That's half the battle. I'm going to tell him everything I told you, and I am going to strongly recommend that he get off his butt and do something about it. You two deserve to be together. You have no idea what I would give to have someone that loved me as much as he loves you."

"You don't have to play match maker."

"Obviously I do because you're too stubborn to do it yourselves."

"Are you sure this is what you want to do? What if he and I never get together, and it turns out that he was the love of your life? Won't you regret it?"

"Not going to happen. You guys will get it together. You've just got to allow yourselves to be vulnerable."

"Robin... breaking up with him doesn't mean that you and I can't be friends, does it?"

"Of course not. Besides, we never got those pedicures we've been talking about for the last month."

"That's true."

"As soon as you're out of here, we'll go. Okay?"

"It's a plan."

"I need to get to work. Think about this okay? Stop denying it and just let it happen."

"It all depends on him at this point."

"As long as there's an it. Bye, Dana."

"Bye, Robin.


	6. When did you fall

Disclaimer: They are not mine. Song belongs to Chris Rice.

A/N: I am glad that some of you are starting to like Robin. That was the whole point. I wanted to show that not everyone who competed for Mulder or Scully's affections was bad... just misinformed. Of course if they were Phoebe or Diana or Ed Jerse or Daniel Waterson, then they should be strung up. But there are some good people out there. Anyway, I know that the song I use was not even produced until 2004 ish and that irritates me to no end because I am neurotic like that, but no other song fits this well.

* * *

To be honest, Scully thought that as soon as Robin broke up with Mulder, he would come running to her, professing his love and they would live happily ever after. Maybe that was the drugs talking, but she really thought that a push in the right direction from someone other than her mother would give him that extra confidence he needed. But when a whole day passed and nothing happened, she began to doubt if he loved her as much as she thought he did.

So she sat in her hospital bed, channel surfing and wiping away an occasional tear, wondering where he was and why he hadn't been to see her. She even called Skinner to ask if Mulder had been sent on a case. He hadn't. Skinner had seemed a little upset that Mulder hadn't been to see her, and offered to go out and look for him. Scully declined the offer, knowing that Skinner was protective of her and would probably make sure Mulder knew that first-hand.

The doctor told her that her blood levels were back to normal, and that many small factors like fighting a cold and not sleeping well had combined to make her look sicker than she actually was. The curse of remission is always worrying that you're coming out of it, she supposed. They were going to send her home the next evening, and Mulder was always, ALWAYS the one to take her home. But this time it looked like it would be a taxi.

She laid in bed and stared out the window, watching as the stars came out. Because of the city lights, she couldn't see many, but there were enough to stare at. Was it just 3 months ago when she had sat on that boat, resolving herself to tell Mulder how she felt about him? It couldn't have been that long.

The radio was playing softly and she reached over and turned it up. She'd heard bits of this song before, but never the whole way through.

_You're all smiles and silly conversations  
As if this sunny day came just for you  
You twist your hair, your smile and you turn your eyes away  
Come on tell me what's right with you  
Now it dawns on me probably everybody's talking  
There's something here I'm supposed to realize  
Your secret's out and the universe laughs at it's joke on me  
I just caught it in your eyes  
It's a beautiful surprise_

_When did you fall in love with me?  
Was it out of the blue?  
'Cause I swear I never knew it  
When did you let your heart run free?  
Have you been waiting long?  
When did you fall in love with me?  
When did you fall in love?_

_Make your way over here, sit down by this fool and let's rewind  
Come on let's go back and replay all our scenes  
Point out the hints, the clues, the twists and the smiles this time  
All the ones that slipped by me  
I bet my face is red and you can hear my heart pounding  
Well I guess it don't matter now that I realize  
'Cause baby I missed it then, but I can surely see you now  
Right here before my eyes  
You're my beautiful surprise_

_When did you fall in love with me?  
Was it out of the blue?  
'Cause I swear I never knew it  
When did you let your heart run free?  
Have you been waiting long?  
When did you fall in love with me?  
When did you fall in love?_

_Was it at the coffee shop?  
Or was it that morning at the bus stop?  
When you almost slipped and I caught your hand  
Or the time we built the snowman?  
The day at the beach, sandy and warm  
Or the night with the scary thunderstorm?  
I never saw the signs  
And we've got to make up for lost time  
And I can tell now by the way you're looking at me  
I better finish this song so my lips will be free  
Yeah_

_Have you been waiting long? When did you fall in love?  
I kept you waiting so long  
When did you fall?  
Have you been waiting long?  
When did you fall in love with me?  
_

So maybe today wasn't the best time to listen to that song. She swiped at a lone tear as the song ended and felt utterly ridiculous. She never should have let Robin talk her into this. She never should have let her mom talk her into it. Life was so much easier when she repressed her emotions. It was easier to deal with being called The Ice Queen than it was to have her heart broken.

Maybe if she could figure out when she fell in love with him, she could undo whatever had been done to make her feel such a crazy thing. Was it when he saved her in Antarctica? Was it when he told her she was his one in five billion? Was it when he held her when Emily died? Was it the way he had cried during the night next to her bed? Was it the way he held her after Penny died? Was it his refusal to believe that she had cancer? Was it the agony in his eyes when Modell had forced him to put a gun on her? Was it the way he sat up with her all night when Missy died, holding her hand and not saying anything? Was it the look on his face when he stumbled into her apartment, disoriented, drugged, but obviously wanting nothing more than for her to take care of him?

Her mind stuck on that memory. Maybe that is when she first felt that little twinge in her stomach, like lemon juice on a paper cut. She worried about him being safe. She hurt for him for losing his father. She wanted nothing more than to hold him until the storm was over.

This backtracking wasn't working. Remembering all those times only made the tears flow faster, made her fall impossibly deeper. She shook the memories away one by one. His smile as he handed her the "Superstars of the Superbowl." His warm hand on her cheek. His voice saying her name. The way he knew she wasn't asleep, but he carried her to bed and tucked her in anyway. Catching her eye across the room. Tickling her knee during a meeting to make her laugh. Knowing that she needed a hug even though she hadn't asked. Forehead kisses becoming more frequent. His hand in hers in the car because there was no reason not to.

She pulled a tissue out of the box next to the bed and dabbed at her eyes, feeling very much like the final scene in a chick flick gone wrong.

"Scully?"

She started at his voice, then cleared her throat.

"Yeah?"

"Are you alright?"

She sighed a little and sat up to face him.

"I'm fine."

He sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms. She almost didn't want to go, but he had such a power over her that no matter how mad she was, she couldn't resist his hugs.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing worth talking about. What are you doing here?"

"Nice segue."

She just shrugged as he kissed the crown of her head.

"Come on, Scully. What's going on?"

"Mulder, I'm just being a girl. Girls are allowed to cry sometimes."

"That's all it is?"

"That's all it is."

"Want me to leave?"

"Why?"

"So you can finish?"

She chuckled and shook her head.

"Nope, I'm done."

He nodded and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"So... I know you know about me and Robin."

"She told me the other day. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"Maybe she just needs time. Maybe you can work on it and-"

"Don't play dumb, Scully. I know she gave you the same speech she gave me."

"Oh."

They sat quietly for a while. The words he wanted to say were marching through his head. It was just a matter of getting them out.

"Was she right, Scully?"

"About what?"

"Are you in love with me?"

She froze for a moment, choosing her tactic.

"Mulder, you don't just ask someone that point blank while they sit in a hospital bed."

"What, are you Emily Post now?"

"Yeah, and you seriously need a lesson in manners."

"So do you. Evading questions is rude."

"Mulder, maybe at one time I was. But I don't think I am anymore. There's just too much stacked against us."

"So you decided you don't love me because it's not convenient?"

"I didn't say that."

"That's exactly what you said."

"Fine, then what about you? Was Robin right about you too?"

"Of course she was."

"She was?"

"I thought you knew that."

"But... if you were in love with me, why was she ever in the picture?"

"Because you never felt the same way. There was no reason for me to pine for you, especially when we have a perfectly good relationship without all that."

"But I did feel that way, Mulder. For a long time. And when I was on that trip I decided to tell you, and then I came home and you were with her."

"Scully..." he said, starting to laugh. "I was going to tell you before you left, but you gave me no indication that you would even miss me."

She covered her face with her hands and started to laugh too.

"That is so us, Mulder. Unspoken communication until it comes to anything worthwhile. Then it's like we're speaking completely different languages."

"We can work on it. We'll get better."

"Mulder, what are we going to do about this?"

"Nothing."

"What?"

"I know how you feel and you know how I feel, so let's just sit back and let it happen. For once in our lives, let's not overanalyze or plan down to the last second or worry about the repercussions. Let's let this be easy."

"Okay."

"This only works if we trust each other."

"I trust you. You know that."

"Good. If we have that, then we'll be fine."

She nodded and nestled into his side.

"Mulder, if I'm ever in the hospital again, don't go almost 2 days without seeing me."

"Sorry. I was-"

"I know. Just don't let it happen again. Okay?"

"Alright."

"You can really make a girl feel insecure that way."

He smiled and leaned down to kiss her. It was short, but perfect and she smiled up at him when he pulled away.

"Raspberries," he said softly.

"One of the nurses smuggled them in for me."

"Bless her," he muttered, kissing her again.

They heard a throat being cleared from the doorway and they pulled away from each other so fast it was like shrapnel.

Skinner was standing there, half embarrassed, half amused.

"Sir, uh... we um..."

"Oh like I care. Just keep it out of your office. More power to you," he dead panned. Scully giggled a little as Mulder turned a deep shade of red.

"Um... thank you sir."

"No, thank you. I just won 200 bucks."

"You what?"

"I knew it would happen when one of you was in the hospital. Agent Scully, I just came to bring by the papers for your doctor to sign saying that you're fit for duty."

"Thank you, sir."

"I'll leave you to it," he said with a grin, turning and leaving the room.

"I almost had a heart attack," Mulder said, pressing his hand to his heart.

"I can't believe Skinner... caught us."

"We were only kissing, but that was still the most embarrassing moment of my life."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. But at least it was with you."

She rolled her eyes as he kissed her again.

"You know Mulder, we're going to have to thank Robin for this."

"We'll send her a fruit basket."

"That's all I'm worth to you?"

"A big fruit basket. Now stop talking, Scully."

Maybe their timing wasn't perfect, but it had turned out just fine. She resolved right then and there to never keep anything from him again.

* * *

THE END! Finally....


End file.
